Tattle Tales
by twosmall
Summary: Lighthearted oneshots featuring the smuggest Undersider.
1. CSI Tinker

"We brought in a CSI tinker," Armsmaster said. "She says she's ready to show us her findings."

"Very well," Director Piggot said. "She's not going to find anything though. We both know it. Lets get this farce out of the way."

The CSI tinker smiled at them when they entered. Then she opened a program on the tinker tech laptop. It was full screen.

"Now as you can see, the crime is clearly being committed by a Stranger. No sign of who did it. The containment foam canister is picked up and seemingly walked away by an invisible girl."

"We knew that," Armsmaster said. "Best guess, its the Stranger we've heard rumors about on the Undersiders."

"Right," the CSI tinker said. "Thats what I thought too. But… zoom," she said, pointing at the edge of the containment foam canister. It zoomed in.

"Apply reflection stabilization and correction algorithms."

A new image came up. It was the warehouse from a different viewpoint. The view point of the canister. Armsmaster's mouth opened. For a moment he stood there staring. Then he tilted his head. "That… I don't think that's actually possible."

"Are you a CSI tinker sir? I don't think you are. Please hold your comments until after I finish giving my findings. Don't ruin this for me. I live for these moments. Now… zoom."

This time she was pointing at a window across the street. "Enhance. Apply correction algorithms. Zoom."

Now they were looking at a very narrow antenna on the roof of the building. The zoom was such that it took up the entirety of the screen.

"Enhance. Apply corrections."

The roof was empty. The CSI tinker looked at them expectantly.

"What… am I suppose to be seeing here?"

"Glad you asked," the CSI tinker said, giving him a smug grin. "Now. Prepare yourselves. This is shocking. Uncrop."

The full roof appeared on the screen.

There was nothing there. Piggot huffed. "Can you get to the point?"

"Director Piggot, Armsmaster, I give you evidence of the true culprit. Rewind photo."

Rune became visible on the roof and it was earlier in the day. She was staring down into the warehouse through a sky light.

"That… rewind photo? How do you… you, but you're not lying," Defiant said. "This has to be some sort of trick."

The supposed tinker grinned at him. "The photo speaks for itself sir."

"You're Tattletale aren't you?"

The very smug CSI tinker smiled at him. "Syllogistic logic my dear Watson: Tattletale wears a domino mask, I'm not wearing a domino mask. Therefore, I'm not Tattletale. You learn about this stuff in an Introduction to Philosophy course."

"She's telling the truth," Armsmaster said, conceding the point.

Piggot gaped at him. "Logically correct and telling the truth are different things Armsmaster!"

"No," Defiant shook his head. "My sensors factor that in. She can't be Tattletale. No one is that smug when lying. My models are certain she was telling the truth. But how… how did you do it? Rewinding a photo?"

The CSI tinker sighed. "I'm not sure you'd be happy if I told you how I did it."

"Oh? And why is that?"

"I'm going to leave now, but I want to leave you with some parting words:" "I'm the smartest person in this room." "You can't accept that." "I want to leave." "Goodbye Armsmaster, Director Piggot."

The CSI tinker walked out of the room.

"Please tell me you're not buying that."

"She was telling the truth Director, as she believed it. I don't believe what she said, but I believe she meant it. I'll have Dragon ask about the rewind. She's better with people. Hopefully she can get the girl to open up about how her technology works. Can you imagine the things we could see? We've had photos from as far back as a hundred years ago."

1


	2. Game Night

"No," Taylor said.

"Please?" Lisa asked.

The entire team slumped and Lisa cackled. She had the board set up in moments. Then she had everyone place their markers.

"I fucking hate Clue," Alec muttered.

"Language," Brian said. "We played the shooters last week, its Lisa's turn to pick."

The cards were dealt. Lisa snickered. "It was…"

"Can we play a real game now?" Taylor asked.

"Alright. Who wants to play twenty questions? Think of anything. I'll tell you what it is in twenty questions or less. Alec you're first."

"Alright, I'm thinking of something."

"Aishia. And alright, Brian you're next. I'm going with beating the shit of Alec. Taylor, you're up. Yes. This is called priming. And… I'm going with Brian. Get your mind out of the gutter girl. Welp, twenty questions was fun."

Lisa cracked her knuckles. "Who wants to play Battleship?"

"I'm only doing this to give you a headache," Taylor said, fetching the board.

"I'm the smartest girl in the room Taylor," Lisa said, her smug grin so smug it was in danger of attracting emotion sensing wards that were currently all the way across the city. "But good luck trying."

The board was set up. Lisa walked across the room and picked up a binder. PLANS. She flipped through it. "Ah… Taylor and Battleship."

She flipped the book around. "Hey Taylor, this look about right to you?"

"… no."

Lisa grinned. "Great, lets play."

"… I changed my mind. I don't want to play Battleship anymore."

"I understand Taylor. I would give up too when confronted with such a superior intellect. Thankfully, no such thing exists, but from a theoretical perspective I understand the virtue of humility."

"I have bees," Taylor warned.

Lisa grinned. Then she flipped the page to show what was on the other side. It was a simple message. "After losing, Taylor will threaten me with bees and then concede my superiority."

"Now, to go play catch with Rachel. I can't wait to see her face when she realizes that the reason she can't find the ball is that I didn't throw it."

"Game day cancelled," Brian said.

"No," Alec disagreed, already turning on his game console. "But you can guys do whatever you want."

1


	3. Game Night: Taylor Edition

"Welcome to my villainous lair," Lisa said, gesturing around at her house.

"Looks… kind of like a house?" Taylor half-asked and half-said.

"No, definitely not," Lisa said. "This is a _lair_. Follow me, I'll prove it."

Lisa was proud of her genius; it wasn't a real lair yet, but one day it would get there. She wanted to show off the first step in getting the right ambience to her friend. A sophisticated villain needed sophisticated decor; the fish tank hadn't been imported yet, but it would be soon.

Taylor and Lisa walked through the house until they made it to the bathroom. The tub was already filled with water and there were gold fish swimming in it.

"Umm… Lisa, why do you have goldfish in your tub?"

Lisa smiled. "You remember the lasers Coil's mercenaries have on their guns?"

Taylor nodded.

"And you remember how Armsmaster is a miniaturization tinker?" Lisa asked.

Taylor nodded again. Then she looked more closely at the tub. "Goldfish mounted with lasers Lisa? Really? It's a terrible idea; imagine if we put these on thousands of insects instead."

"Taylor, please, leave the villainous lair planning to me." Lisa sighed. "This is classic lair stuff; bond villain level. I know you watch Earth Aleph movies too!"

Taylor ignored her and reached down into the water. She snagged a gold fish on her first try, even though it tried to swim away from her. Her fingers danced past the lasers that came for her; in moments the laser was off and the fish was back in the water.

"I know exactly what you're doing!" Lisa said. She had super powers; she knew a lot of things. "No! Bad Taylor! Get your own miniature lasers!"

Taylor looked hesitant, but a stern glare from Lisa saw her snagging the fish back up and re-attaching the laser before releasing it back into its tub-home.

The fish all swam to the end of the tub that was furtherest from Taylor. "They're pretty cute!" Taylor said, trying to distract from her faux-pass.

Knowing her friend was very much worried that she had upset her in her attempt to secure the mini-laser, Lisa decided re-direction was in order. "Yep. So what do you think? Good lair material, right?"

Taylor cringed. "Look, this is nice and all Lisa, but it's like you're just playing at being a villain, ya know? I have some ideas for the lead up to my throne room if I ever make a lair. First I'm thinking, humid and dark. Then a maze of cages each with deadly insects and whatever else seems practical. A few would have open and empty cages of course, maybe with some warning labels. Imply they are spiders and mosquitos and other things like that, but don't say it outright. Then at the entrance to the throne room - a spider web too thin to see until its already on them."

Lisa gaped. "That's horrible."

Taylor frowned. "What are you talking about? It's just practical."

"The spider web? The empty cages?" Lisa said.

"Well… the empty cages are just so they don't really know everything about the insects I'm keeping there. And I have a trick where I can pay attention to the spider web if I have some in it. So no one will be able to sneak in?"

"Let me guess," Lisa said, vulpine grin out in full force as she decided Taylor and lairs were not a good mix. "The dark and humid lead up is just so the bugs have a nice environment?"

"What else would it be for?" Taylor asked, sounding utterly bewildered.

Lisa shook her head and then sighed. "Repeat after me Taylor. Cops. And. Robbers."

"Cops. And. Robbers," Taylor repeated. Then she switched gears. "On that note, I've been meaning to talk you about game night. I realized you're a genius!"

Lisa's grin intesified, but Taylor wasn't done talking.

"Those games are _so_ much easier to win if you use you're powers! I wanted to test out a theory before I escalate though."

Lisa's power filled in the blanks. Her smile slackened, though it didn't go away. "Taylor I'm not playing tic tac toe."

"You act like I'm asking you to play thermonuclear war or something," Taylor said. "I just want to see if I can win a game that's always supposed to be a draw."

"I've decided not to play," Lisa said.

"Doesn't that mean I win by default?" Taylor asked.

Lisa raised her finger. Her head tilted slightly and she had a slight frown. "No powers during game nights," Lisa concluded.

1


End file.
